Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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