She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
