I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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