I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
