dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize