Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
