Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
