i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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