The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
