By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
There r osticjed everywhere
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
