So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I just gift wrapped bread.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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