You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
