I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
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