Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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