Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
