giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
