I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Drake has all the answers
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
