why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
and she was petting her beer can
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
