Screwed.edu
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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