when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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