apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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