Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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