I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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