You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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