WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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