Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
