i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
