they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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