It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
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