chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize