dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
