Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
