Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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