so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Randomize
