You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
