So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
