Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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