There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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