that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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