i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
