It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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