Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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