he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
