Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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