This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
