im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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