why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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