I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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