I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Randomize
