The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
