it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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