im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
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