just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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