It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
