why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Randomize
