I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
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