Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
