i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
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