My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
