A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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