We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
