I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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