his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
