I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I am available for nakedness
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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