Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
