i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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