Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
