i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
